Selling my 2002 Ford Excursion - The BEAST!!

You want the Beast? YOU CAN'T HANDLE THE BEAST!!!!

Well, okay.. maybe you can. Maybe you need the Beast. Maybe you want the Beast.

I understand, most of the ladies do... or at the very least they want the man who wants the Beast. I have the Beast... and now so can you.

WHAT?? Seriously? Have I lost my mind in some space time warp where marijuana is legal and Pluto is no longer a planet? Maybe...

I know, I know... Why Oh why would I allow this magnificent machine to leave my driveway?

Well, frankly, she just isn't needed any longer. She has served me and my family well for many years, but as we grow older, or maybe just plain old, we don't race motorcycles, or go camping as much as we once did. There is no point in using a Clydesdale to give pony rides to toddlers, nor is there any point in diminishing this great machine into nothing more than a glorified grocery getter. She wants better. She deserves better.

So... details you say?

Well... look at the damn pictures. What else is there to say? I don't know, but I'm sure I'll find some words. She is the frickin Land Yacht... the USS Compensator... The finest damn conglomeration of metal, rubber and leather known to mankind. She eats Prius for breakfast, wipes her exhaust pipe with a Leaf and still returns nearly 20MPG (Highway)... all while carrying 7 full sized people and their luggage. Strap a trailer to her ass and she'll tow that without complaint... and pretty much anything else you want to hitch her to. I pulled a house down with her... No Shit. It happened. I know, cuz I was there. You weren't there, so you'll probably want to challenge me on it. Well, feel free to use her to pull your house down after you man up, grab your cojones and make the purchase.

Brand New!!

She has 205 THOUSAND miles of experience under those tires. . . well maybe not THOSE tires, cuz they're brand spankin' new. She has been to more parts of the United States than most so called Americans and returned to tell the tales. This 7.3 Liter Diesel motor is just getting broken in, but she does have a shiny new High Pressure Oil Pump as of last week because the old one just couldn't handle the near proximity to this much awesome and blew a gasket. I understand. . . it happens. Something so small couldn't keep this girl down though and she is all patched up and as good as new.

205322 Miles

Oh yeah. . . about that motor. It's not just a motor. It is the hard-charging, life-pumping, ass-kicking heart of a lion. Pumped up on the steroids known as a DP Tuner F5 16 position tuning chip. She has multiple settings pre-programmed, including a no-start safety mode, stock, 1200RPM warmup, 60HP Tow Safe and 80HP Daily Driver mode. She may have been a Clydesdale before, but now she is some sort of mutant cross-breed of the Clydesdale and a Thoroughbred. She jumps out of the starting gate and runs over the competition that is stupid enough to be ahead of her. Yeah, she moves like a Mustang.

I ran out of words, so I'll wrap this up and come back later to do her justice. For now, here's the down and dirty.




Yep, she has some damage. The trailer tried to get fresh with her in a tight corner and she bitch-slapped it in the face, but took some scratches herself. A concrete pole jumped out of nowhere while the wife was running over a coffee stand and nicked her in the side as well. She don't care. Bitches love scars.

She has 4 captain's chairs and a bench in the back. She has a full sized spare, not one of those sissy ass donuts that aren't for actual driving or anything more than lawn ornaments.

Edited 4/01/2014
So. . . yeah. . . what do you know, I found some more words. They were just lying there in the middle of the street with no one around to claim them, so I grabbed em and brought them back to share with you all. These words don't seem to be as high quality as the first set I used, but there is still no point in wasting perfectly good words.

Anyway, here they are:

The beast drinks Diesel Oil. Not Gas, not fuel, not petrol, or any other weak sauce. Diesel Oil. If you have the pretty new 'ultra low sulfur' stuff, she'll drink it just fine, but if you don't and you like to use the old high sulfur, or biodiesel, she likes that just fine too. Not like the new prima donna rigs that require ultra low sulfur content. Don't try throwing unfiltered waste vegetable oil down her throat though, she isn't comfortable with that and might just reach out and bitch slap you in the same way she got that trailer. If you want to adjust her attitude to do the WVO thing, well that's up to you and some guys have good results with that, but it ain't my thing.

She came with standard Ford Super Duty heated/blinker mirrors, but not the ones that extended, so I fitted her up with something that was a bit more suitable for towing the 26' trailer. She liked the extra attention, but the mirrors rarely get extended because I don't actually tow very often, especially now that I sold the trailer. People get pissed off if you try to pull their houses down without permission, so I had to stop shit that too. Whatever, crybabies.

She also comes with an aftermarket stereo. It's nothing fancy because the damn tweakers stole the fancy one she had. It was nice too. All touchscreen and whatnot, along with a GPS and my iPod. I paid good money for that crap and they probably sold if for 20 bucks and a latte to the sleaseball at the Swap and Shop Pawn. I hate thieves. I hope they burnt their tongue on the latte. You'll probably want to put in your own fancy stereo, but this one works just fine and includes auxiliary inputs and a USB in front. I also put in a new Garmin navigation unit, which is hardwired through the stereo. I'll let that stay in the Beast because she likes it there and threatened me with bodily harm if I tried to remove it. I'm more afraid of her than the tweakers are apparently.

She sports ALL BRAND NEW "MOOG" ball joints, with an extra set to go with it just because I like you. I haven't even met you yet, but if you are man enough to want the Beast, then I already like you so I'll throw them in with the Beast.

Why waste time with a shitty 6.0 Liter when you can get a rock solid 7.3 Liter that has been time tested and proven. You can't get the 6.4 Liter because those bastards at Ford decided that the Excursion was too much truck for the average American. Do yourself a favor, step up to the plate and let me know if you think you are man enough to run with a girl like this. I bet you aren't.

Oh yeah. . . I'm negotiable on the price. She needs a good home, so come at me bro!




DP Tuner
http://www.dp-tuner.com/ford-powerstroke/ford-powerstroke-7-3l-1/tuning-1/chips-1/f5-1-16-position-switch-on-the-fly-chip-for-7-3-l-diesel-trucks-1994-5-2003-1988-2004-gas-vehicles-36.html

Power Mirrors (PowerVision 8040TK model)
http://www.discounttruckaccessories.com/details.php?ProductID=81330

Block 5 - Day 8

Block 5 started last week simply because I thought I could hang after only two weeks doing 400 pushups/day.  I may have made the jump too early, since I am sweating a lot more doing the 100 pushup sets than I was with the 80.  I am still able to complete the daily number, but I am definitely feeling it more the next day.

I have also missed more days than I should have due to motorcycle trackdays, football priorities and a busy life in general.  These are all excuses though and I need to focus and get back on track.  500 today will put me at the 15000 mark.  It took 50 days to reach 10000 and only 21 more to reach 15000.  If I do my pushups every day except Sunday, 20000 should arrive by late next week.  5000 pushups will be an 11 or 12 day event, depending on the number of Sundays that fall in that period, rather than a 21 day cycle.  Eventually I will be doing 5000 pushups each week, but that seems so far away.

I am halfway to my goal, but that goal seems further away now than when I started.  This is ridiculous of course, but that is how it feels.  Oh well, keep pushing through and I will get there.

New pictures are in order I think, as 500 is a pretty desirable goal in it's own right.  You can definitely see the differences from the first set I posted.  My pecs, shoulders and arms are seeing growth and my stomach is gaining some definition.  There is hope yet!

Block 4 - Day 1

10,000 pushups is the magic number at the end of today.

400 pushups a day starting today as well.

That's a lot of work in less than two months.  That is a long, long way from where I started. 

I woke up feeling sick this morning.  Tired, achy and just not prepared to roll out of bed.  I did it anyway though.  I made myself get up and get on the floor and do my first set of 80 pushups for the day.  And do you know what?  I felt better when they were done.  I didn't feel like I was going to jump up and down and sing or anything, but I felt energized and ready to face the day.  I felt even better after my shower.  It works if you work it... so work it.

Anyway, Block 4 has begun and I am rolling towards my goal faster than I would have thought I could. 

Today is a good day.

Block 3 - Day 23

8400 is the magic number today.

Eight Thousand Four Hundred pushups completed since the start of my journey.

It seems like such a large number, but when I reach my goal it will be slightly more than a weeks worth of work.  I am so far away, but I am growing stronger every day. 

I am seeing the physical changes in my chest, shoulders and triceps mostly.  The muscles are becoming larger and more defined every week.  They are hard again, like a muscle should be.  I still carry weight around my stomach, but I haven't changed my eating habits enough, or started enough cardio to really affect that area anyway.  I have lost a small amount of my waist, but my weight is stagnant as I exchange fat for muscle.

I have missed a couple of days of pushups.  Even with taking Sundays off for recovery, I have missed a Friday, a Thursday and a Saturday due to a busy schedule and my failure to make the pushups a priority that day.  I only completed 4 days of pushups last week, but am renewed for this week.  I will not miss a day.  I am committed to this goal.  I can do it.

I will be posting numbers of total pushups on this blog from now on.  Just a number after this post, but it will allow me to track the total number of pushups that I have completed since starting this journey.  I am not sure why it matters.  If fact, it probably doesn't, but I was wondering this weekend how many I had done so I created a spreadsheet to figure it out.  I will now be tracking my daily pushup count in this spreadsheet and it will provide me a running total.

Next week, Block 4 begins.  Look out body, 400 is coming.

Block 3 - Day 1

Block 3 begins today.  I am tired from a very busy weekend with Relay For Life and various football related activities, but I am determined to move forward this week.  Two week at the 40 pushup sets was not ‘easy’ per se, but it was not working me as hard as I could have been working.  In fact, there were a couple of times where I missed a set and doubled up the next set.  I wasn’t able to complete 80 straight pushups, but I could do 50, 20, 10 on my way there.

I have asked my wife to take a few photos of me to keep track of my progress.  I actually took a series of photos prior to starting, but the Sony camera I used takes a stupid proprietary mini memory stick and I appear to have misplaced the adapter that allows me to get the photos off the camera card.  I will eventually find the adapter, or purchase a new one and update an old post with these ‘starter’ photos.

Anyway, here are the photos from the beginning of Block 3, which will be the start of my 4^th week of this pushup regimen.  I am not particularly happy with the state of my body, but I guess that is why I am doing this to begin with.

Block 2 - Day 2

Tired
I am TIRED.

It is 11:49am and I have just done my second set of pushups today.  My muscles are really feeling the strain of yesterday's pushups and football practice.  Every set hurts today.  Every pushup hurts... but I won't quit.  I have made a commitment to myself to build a better me and I mean it.

Pain is weakness leaving the body... I have a lot of weakness to get rid of.

Football
Football practice is not something I have mentioned previously, but it is something that I am doing.  Not as a player, but as a coach.  I am helping coach a women's powder puff team, made up of dedicated moms, who are practicing and training for a charity game of full contact flag football (with helmets and pads) to raise money for scholarships for players that would otherwise be unable to meet the costs associated with the game.

However, I am not just standing around coaching, I have strapped on the pads and a helmet and am actively engaging the ladies to teach techniques and skills.  I am running with them, doing agility work with them and sweating my butt off with them.  Our coaching staff is trying to push them as far physically as they are ready and able to go.  Each lady is different in terms of athletic ability and conditioning level, but we want each one to give everything they can, while still preventing injuries.

I have been a blocking dummy, sweat rolling off my brow and down my nose to drip like a leaking faucet, as the line of eager women wait to tee off on me one after another.  I have been a cornerback, running with receiver after receiver as they learn routes and proper change of direction techniques (Cutting).  Most of these drills they run once and move to the back of the line, but I don't get that break.  I do get other breaks though.  I am free to remove my helmet or mouthpiece to speak to the group, while the ladies must stay buckled up.

Regardless, football practice is hard work and it takes a toll on me and my body.... and I love every minute of it.

These ladies are putting their heart and soul, along with all of their energy and effort, into becoming the best team they can be.  They want to raise money for these kids.  They want to put on a great show for the paying fans.  More than anything though, they want to win. They want their hard work and dedication rewarded on the field of battle with a victory.  They deserve it and I will do everything in my power to help them achieve their goal.  Plan, Action, Action, Action, Goal. Everyday is another small step in their journey towards their goal and mine.

They won't quit and neither will I.

Block 1

Day 1 (Monday)

20 pushups, 5 times a day.

No problem, right?

I have been doing 100-150 pushups a day occasionally over the last year or so.  I meant to be doing them everyday, but the reality is that I do them for a week or two, then miss a day, then another.  Eventually I am doing them once a month instead of once a day.

Regardless, this is something I know I can do.  Yet, I am sore after the first set of 20.  It has been about two months since I did any decent amount of pushups and this body of mine remembers ‘lazy’ far better than ‘activity’.  I am able to complete the day’s pushup without any real difficulty, but I am definitely feeling it in my arms and shoulders.

Day 2 – 7 (Tuesday – Sunday)

Day 2 starts with moderate muscle soreness and fatigue, but no serious pain.  I have no issues doing all of my pushups, but I do occasionally miss a set due to the demands of a busy life.  This means I am making up sets by doubling up when I have the time to do so and although I am able to do 40 pushup sets, they are the very limit of my strength.  Once a day, I can manage, but I am very worried about my ability to go into Block 2 next week as I had planned.

The jump from Block 1 to Block 2 is the most difficult jump, as you are doubling the workout load from 100 pushups a day to 200 a day (100% increase).  Each transition beyond Block 1->2 is a smaller and smaller percentage of additional work compared to what I am currently doing.  Block 2->3 adds 100 daily pushups to the 200 that I will be doing (50% increase), while Block 9->10 adds 100 to the 900 that I am already doing (11% increase).

I am going to push towards Block 2 regardless.  If I struggle, then it builds me and strengths my resolve as much as my muscles.  It won’t be easy, but nothing worth doing is easy.  While I was a Marine in my youth, I spent some time with Fox Company, 2^nd Marines, 5^th Battalion.  Fox Company had a motto back then, perhaps they have the same one still today.

 

“Get hard, or die.”

Morgan Freeman said, “Get busy living, or get busy dying” as Red in The Shawshank Redemption.

And so I go. 

I choose life and health because I am worth it and so is my family.  What will you choose?